29toLIFE

This idea might need a little work, but I’ll put it out there anyway, because someone needs to make this happen. Like, now. Because, honestly, if I see one more old woman applying mascara while doing 40mph in the left lane on the 826, while a cop flies by doing 107mph, completely oblivious to her 1986 Buick LeDeathTrap, I’ll fucking snap.

Here goes:

• Every car will be fitted with a transmitter. It will be illegal to remove these.
• Every car will also be fitted with a small laser pointer. The actual laser will not be visible.

Here’s how the system works:

If you’re driving along and see someone doing something stupid and/or illegal on the road (running a red light, texting while driving, etc., etc.), you point your laser at the offending vehicle and push the button on the end of the laser pointer to tag that person’s car. That vehicle has now been tagged.

One tag, by itself, will do nothing. Hey, we all screw up sometimes. However, if a car is tagged by at least five others in a span of five minutes or twenty others in a span of one week, then the moment the occupant of that car takes the key out of the ignition, a red light will begin to blink on the dashboard, the engine will immediately lock, and the owner will be forced to pay a small fine in order to turn the vehicle back on.

But, what about an overzealous tagger? Or a gang of taggers working together to put someone’s automobile out of commission? First and foremost, gang-like activity will be considered illegal and carry a severe punishment, and since this is entire system is based on electronic tagging, suspicious activity will be easier to monitor. As for the overzealous tagger, each laser pointer will be limited to five tags per week. Use them wisely. The guy driving 6mph over the speed limit probably isn’t worth the tag.

Laser pointers will only work while inside of the vehicle to which they belong, and only if that vehicle’s engine is currently running. Similarly, a vehicle may only be tagged if it is moving at a speed above 4mph. This will prevent the unnecessary tagging of stationary vehicles, as they are of no harm to anybody.

I’m pretty sure there are flaws with this system, but the groundwork is there for anyone who wishes to get this thing done. Now get to it, overachievers.